The Name of the Doctor

Spoilers within. Don’t read until you’ve seen the episode…not that it would make much sense if you hadn’t.

I could tell this was going to be a good one, because I got through about thirty seconds and then had to rewind to the beginning and watch those thirty seconds again. And then I rewound it again, and watched those thirty seconds a third time. And then I got as far as the title sequence before I rewound it and watched that span again.

I never thought of myself as the kind of fan who’d get butterflies in my stomach seeing the subtitle “Gallifrey: a very long time ago” on the screen, or watching an actor rather unconvincingly deliver the line “What kind of idiot. Would want to steal a faulty TARDIS?”, but when you follow that up with a man and a girl who look reasonably like William Hartnell and Carole Ann Ford sneaking up to the TARDIS in question, a pure, unformed cylinder with a door just waiting to find out it’s going to spend its life (all of it, with very occasional exceptions) looking like a police box, guys, you’ve got me. Apparently there are some people who never wanted to see that moment. Those people are nuts.

There are bigger things afoot. This episode ripples back through the entire history of Doctor Who. The rumor was that this season finale would forever change the way we saw the show, and, whether you like it or not, it does. The impact is, if you follow it to its logical conclusion, at least as powerful and far-reaching as that of “The Doctor’s Wife.”

There’s some really excellent stuff along the way. Some of it concerns the so-called Paternoster Gang. Each of them gets at least one top-flight moment: Strax in his Victorian Fight Club. Jenny’s heartbreaking fear and shame as she’s murdered by Whispermen while in a trance. (It’s my position that she did lock the door, but they got in anyway.) Madame Vastra and her tea service, her derringer disintegrator pistol, but especially that magnificent rejoinder to Strax’s comment about the heart being relatively simple: “I have not found it to be so.” Beautiful. River and just about everything she does, including the word “disgracefully.” Can you imagine if she’d been a full-time companion? She would have wiped the floor with every enemy they encountered, so it would never have worked dramatically, but somewhere in Lucien’s library are shelves and shelves of Doctor/River stories I’d love to read.

And then there’s Richard E. Grant, finally given something to do with his Dr. Simeon character, as the conveniently suicidal-but-taking-you-down-with-me Great Intelligence. He’s quite convincing and quite chilling, and though there seemed something awfully elaborate and out of proportion about this plan, I didn’t feel obligated to poke it for plot holes. That can be left to others who have the knack and the taste for it.

And if Matt Smith shines any more brightly he’s going to go supernova. Here’s the thing: I loved him last week, hamming it up as the Cyberplanner, but in this he was probably relieved to be able to tone it down and play it real. You’ll hear from everyone about the “yes, an ex” scene where you can’t tell just how hard it’s hitting him to hear about River (and I think it’s her, not the secret or the danger, that’s making him cry) until Clara brings the tea over. The one where he kisses River’s apparition is equally terrific. Even a simple “oops” is just perfectly pitched. Magnificent.

Ultimately, of course, we make our way through all these moments in a fairly straightforward plot, a journey to the dark tower of the TARDIS (whose proportions are due to a “size leak,” which is fantastic technobabble because that’s exactly what a technician would call it), and a confrontation with what the Doctor apparently has instead of a corpse: a scintillating dendritic lattice representing and providing access to all the times and places he’s touched, the “scar tissue” from all the surgeries he’s performed on the body of our universe. It’s a remarkable idea, not entirely original (I couldn’t help being reminded of Lawrence Miles’s classic Eighth Doctor novel Alien Bodies, and if Miles’s cheeky Saturday blog post is any indication, neither could he), but with a different spin. If you’ve read this far, you should know what happens: the Great Intelligence enters this wound of splintered time, and cracks into shards where he can attack the Doctor throughout his life, and Clara follows, giving up her own life to save all of the Doctor’s lives and mend everything the Great Intelligence tries to break.

Here is where I must admit Doctor Who has put me on the verge of tears two weeks in a row, and both times it was the second viewing that got me. It’s true we’ve never gotten to know Clara quite as well as I would have liked, but Jenna-Louise Coleman didn’t have to change a thing about her performance to jab me right in the heart at that moment. And I can’t believe I’m saying this, but credit to Murray Gold as well, because I think Clara’s theme might be the best thing he’s ever done.

Earlier this week I raised the topic of mysteries being well- or poorly solved. Clara’s mystery was well-solved, I thought. I don’t feel badly that I got at best three and a half predictions correct about the finale; some of them were clearly going out on a limb, and there’s really no way I could have predicted the origin of the other Claras without the elements introduced here. And I frankly find it more satisfying than my answer (though I don’t discount the possibility that the “spoilers” River mentioned will include learning that the little girl who became CAL was one of the multiple Claras, rather than their origin point). I mentioned “The Doctor’s Wife,” in which we were led to assume that the TARDIS had been taking care of the Doctor as much as he’d been taking care of her; now we learn he’s had a second guardian angel in Clara for all of his lives, someone part of the background who didn’t even know she was doing it, but who was helping him in small ways he sometimes didn’t even notice.

So then there’s the name.

“My name, my real name,” says the Doctor, “that is not the point.” He’s right, of course. What we learn, even though we always knew it, is that the name that counts is the one he chose, “the Doctor.” The title of this episode doesn’t refer to the name of the Doctor. It refers to the name of “The Doctor.” And what we learn is far stranger: that there’s someone with John Hurt’s face with the same birth name as the Doctor, someone just as much the same person as the one with Matt Smith’s face and the one with William Hartnell’s face and one of the people with Colin Baker’s face, and it’s someone the Eleventh Doctor knows about but hasn’t mentioned to anyone. It’s not a lost incarnation, but a disowned one, or perhaps someone who was a renegade from the Doctor just as the Doctor was a renegade from Gallifrey. The setup seemed appalling to me when I heard rumors of it, but in proper context here it’s bold, and fascinating, and utterly maddening because we’re not going to find out exactly what it means until November.

So I’m satisfied, and yet unsatisfied, because now the 50th anniversary episode cannot come soon enough.

A successful finale, then. Dream conference call champagne all round.

Well-solved mysteries

A mystery preserved beats a poorly-solved mystery every time. Steven Moffat surely knows this, and that’s why I’m still betting we won’t hear the Doctor’s name tomorrow night; Moffat will find a way for us to have our cake but feel as though we’ve eaten it.

However, it’s my philosophy that a well-solved mystery beats a mystery preserved every time. In art, in science, in life, it’s not enough merely to raise questions and then claim it’s more satisfying if we never try to answer them.

Good answers aren’t easy to come by. In art, they have to feel right, to seem insightful, to be unexpected and at the same time arise naturally from what we’ve seen. We don’t like mysteries with no clues, but we don’t like to know the answer from page one, either. The road we take to get to the answer is important, but getting to an answer is also important. Raymond Chandler famously wrote at least one murder he never solved (the corpse in the car in The Big Sleep) but you’ll note it’s incidental, not the focus of the story. Most mystery books have endings. The crimes are solved. That’s the point.

I’ve heard it said that the premise of Doctor Who, the titular question, is a myth and hence should remain mysterious. But lots of myths aren’t mysterious, and they retain their power. Which details of Greek legends or Bible stories remain unexplored? Are Perseus or Jesus Christ any less interesting because we know who their parents were, where they grew up, why they were special? Myths are not powerful because of their mystery; they’re powerful because of what they tell us, because of the journeys their central figures take, because of the ways those stories resonate with our own lives. Myths change, are retold, are adapted to new characters and settings and situations, not because they lack specifics, but because those specifics do not harm the part of the story that’s eternal.

If Moffat has solved this mystery well — if he’s come up with some answer to the question that tells us something, that furthers the Doctor’s journey, that resonates with our own lives (or at least with the Doctor’s life) — that’s to be desired, not to be shunned.

And even if the Doctor’s name turns out to be “Ken Miller,” it won’t matter any more than if it turned out to be “Perseus” or “Krishna” or “Snookie.” His name isn’t the part of the story that’s eternal.


If you’re not convinced, consider the following mysteries solved and secrets revealed, all things we didn’t know about the Doctor or his background in the first episode, “An Unearthly Child.” Some of them are things we didn’t even know at the time of “Rose.” You may consider some of them poorly-solved, and probably some people complained about learning them at the time, but most are things we take for granted about the character now, and don’t consider to have ruined him, and I’d say most are more significant than his name.

  1. The Doctor is not human.
  2. The Doctor is a Time Lord.
  3. The Doctor’s home planet is called Gallifrey.
  4. There is more than one TARDIS.
  5. The Doctor has a much longer lifespan than humans do.
  6. The Doctor’s people have a policy of non-interference, with which he disagrees.
  7. The Doctor has two hearts.
  8. The Doctor has a respiratory bypass system that helps him survive asphyxiation and poison gas.
  9. The Doctor was an underachieving student.
  10. The Doctor was responsible for ending the Time War.
  11. The Doctor can take a considerable amount of physical abuse, including extreme cold and electrocution.
  12. The Doctor’s TARDIS is powered by a stellar energy source called the Eye of Harmony, first harnessed by an engineer named Omega, at the cost of his ability to exist in the universe of ordinary matter.
  13. The Doctor was part of the Prydonian Chapter at the Time Lord Academy.
  14. When his body is about to die, the Doctor can regenerate.
  15. He has regenerated at least ten times…so far…that we know of.

Season 7 so far

Here’s the semi-traditional end-of-season ranking, leaving out the finale. It feels weird to include season 7a, since it feels SO different to me now. I can hardly believe how much more I’ve enjoyed the 7b stories than almost anything that’s gone before.

  1. Hide
    It’s picked up some stiff competition, mostly from episodes I’d be more inclined to just throw on casually for fun, but I still found myself moved and thrilled more by this episode than I ever thought possible. It’s not just the plot, it’s everything from acting to cinematography to art direction to sound to conception. It’s in a class of its own.
  2. Nightmare in Silver
    Like “Hide,” this brings a surprisingly fresh flavor to the table that isn’t to everyone’s taste, but suits mine very well. Every eccentric little element felt so well imagined, the larger world so nicely suggested, and most importantly, it was just so much fun. A lot of it shouldn’t have worked, but for me, it did. Not perfect; better.
  3. The Crimson Horror
    I’m as surprised as you are to find this so high up the list. It feels a lot like “Nightmare” in that a lot of the elements just shouldn’t have made me happy, but in concert they added up to a lot of fun. Very little about this story is “classic” when you get down to it, and yet a lot of the pleasure of classic Who is here with none of the draggy stretches.
  4. The Bells of St. John
    On par with “Nightmare” and “Horror,” really, just with a little stronger sense of “been there, done that” in the plot. The character moments really shine, though, and like “Hide,” it just looks gorgeous.
  5. The Power of Three
    This is surprisingly terrific up until they reach the alien ship, and then it’s pretty awful from there on. The first part largely compensates for the second.
  6. The Snowmen
    I didn’t love much of the actual story, but it’s Clara at her very best so far, some good Strax jokes, and, oh, fine, it’s Christmas.
  7. The Rings of Akhaten
    I want to like this so much more than I do. The visuals are so great that I want to see it again right now. The story is such a mess that I don’t really want to hear it again anytime soon. It’s a poser.
  8. Asylum of the Daleks
    I love the Dalek design and I hate most of the Dalek stories, even the good ones. There’s just something about them that turns me off. This is one of the good ones, I think, but when I think about watching it again I just get tired.
  9. The Angels Take Manhattan
    It’s not bad, it’s got its moments, but there’s so much about it that bugs me that I don’t look back on it with a lot of pleasure. The Eleventh Doctor behaves for once in ways that nearly justify the Dream Lord’s loathing of him. And he’s only inhuman, but I hate watching him cry about losing Amy the way I hate watching the Tenth Doctor whine about dying.
  10. Dinosaurs on a Spaceship
    Fun, fun, fun. Not nearly as much fun as the fun in season 7b, though. Feels like it could have been made years ago.
  11. Cold War
    I thought this would rank higher, but honestly, this is one of those diminishing returns stories. There are only two characters I actually like in it, and neither is Russian or Martian. After the twist there really isn’t that much here.
  12. Journey to the Centre of the TARDIS
    A big cruel tease from start to finish. Too much of some things, not nearly enough of others, and ultimately pointless. Not actively unpleasant to watch so much as thoroughly unrewarding.
  13. A Town Called Mercy
    Actively unpleasant to watch. Easily bottom of the list for the season, and probably in my bottom 10 new series episodes overall. I’m not sure I can think of a single thing I liked about it.

What’s His Ordination?

We won’t learn the Doctor’s name this Saturday. Unless Steven Moffat has really come up with something incredibly brilliant that no one has thought of before, it’s not going to happen. He’ll whisper it to River Song, and probably also Clara, but we won’t hear it.

But I would love to be wrong about that. Consider: most Time Lords have names. Sure, there’s the Master, the Rani, the Corsair, the Meddling Monk, and the War Chief; but there’s also Susan, Romana, Borusa, Flavia, Drax, Andred, Maxil, Hedin, Kelner, Rodan, Spandrell, Runcible, Rassilon, and Omega. And that’s just counting televised stories. There’s nothing established in the show about Time Lord names being especially secret, so surely one of the following must be true:

  1. We treat Rassilon as a special case (perhaps a title of some kind?), so with the Corsair and the Master as the only other Time Lords mentioned by name in the new series, we have a potential retcon in effect where Time Lord names are secret.
  2. Time Lord names aren’t generally secret, but the Doctor’s is, for some reason. It’s something meaningful that other people would recognize, or it’s become dangerous because of one of his adventures, etc.
  3. The Doctor isn’t (just) a Time Lord, hence his name is special.

The first option is pretty stupid. The third one is less so, but I didn’t like the idea in the McCoy era and I don’t like it now. The second one I can work with, and actually offers the possibility of an interesting revelation that would have an impact on the story without actually pinning us down to a specified name. In this scenario, it’s OK that we don’t learn his name, as long as we learn that it’s the combination to a box that contains the Key to Time, for instance. That wouldn’t be the most interesting story to tell, but it beats a simple whisper.

So just for fun, let’s speculate on what his name could possibly turn out to be.

  1. Theta Sigma. His old college nickname, spoken casually in the old series, but not at all in the new series that I can recall. River includes the Greek letters in a message to the Doctor (I think it’s the one from “The Time of Angels”) so clearly she knows them. Plausible, but anticlimactic for just about anyone.
  2. John Smith. Surprise! His alias is really his name. Except see previous: he’s used it casually in all sorts of adventures, most recently in “Smith and Jones.” So not likely.
  3. St. John. Mentioned in one of my favorite Doctor Who blogs, as a joke, but a funny one.
  4. Jehovah / Jesus / etc. There’s no way. Everyone in the entire world, even people who don’t watch the show, would lose their minds, including me. It would make “half-human” seem like nothing. But it would be pretty ballsy.
  5. William Havelock Orwell. W.H.O., right? Riiiight. So maybe it’s just…
  6. Who. Canon, according to some fan circles. I can imagine an Abbott and Costello sequence where this is revealed. Also a bit anticlimactic, but if written just right, I’m sorry, it would be pretty funny.
  7. I.M. Foreman. From the junkyard hiding the TARDIS in “An Unearthly Child,” and several episodes revisiting the same place since. Arbitrary, unlikely to do much for anyone except the classic series fans, but consider: who owned that junkyard? How did he not notice the TARDIS there? And why was the Doctor’s granddaughter going by the name “Susan Foreman” if that wasn’t at least an alias of his? And if it’s not that, maybe something related, like…
  8. Imagination Master. Ooh! Get it? I.M. Foreman? Gag, I know. Or maybe…
  9. Four. As in “I am Four, man.” Oh god, now I’m getting really stupid.
  10. Slartibartfast. Not really, but I’ve long suspected the Douglas Adams character’s name was a joke on “Romanadvoratrelundar,” and the punchline (“I said it wasn’t important”) would perfectly sum up my feelings on this issue.

Nightmare in Silver

After “The Doctor’s Wife,” a cozy little story about a man and his TARDIS, it was hard to imagine Neil Gaiman’s next script being a Cyberman story. It was even harder not to let my heart sink when “Nightmare in Silver” started out looking like the second remake of “Dalek” in this half-season (the first being “Cold War,” of course). Once again we have the last scion of a monster race thought to be long dead, held captive by humans, biding its time before it escapes and begins to wreak havoc. Fortunately the story blossomed out from there, and the result is a serious contender with “Hide” as my favorite of the season.

The secret’s in the characters. Motley crews like this are a Gaiman specialty. They’re not all equally charming; Angie in particular lays on the sullen teenager act pretty heavily, but Gaiman gives her a few good moments to help make her bearable. Her brother Artie is angelic by comparison, but if you’re allergic to child actors you can take comfort in the fact that both spend a large part of the story effectively unconscious. Then there’s Mr. Webley, who serves mostly as a rather convoluted way of getting the Cybermen into the story but himself gets at least one terrific scene (“he only wants to destroy you…at chess!” is perfectly delivered). But then there’s the punishment platoon, who are just this side of ridiculous and full of charming lines (“is it okay if I hide?” just barely losing out to “but you signed for that!” as my favorite). And of course there’s Porridge, played with perfect pitch by Warwick Davis, perhaps the best thing going in an episode full of treats.

And then there’s the Doctor and Mr. Clever, and this is the point where I’m forced to concede that charming is subjective and it’s a sure thing that some fans found the motley crew unbearably cutesy. Here’s the thing: there are a few scares, but they give way to fun pretty quickly, about the time Matt Smith gets to play Two-Face. It’s over-the-top, because the Cyberplanner version of the Doctor is as bonkers as the Doctor version of the Doctor. But it’s also subtle, in that the two of them sound very much alike, and this seems like an odd choice until you realize that all of the later scenes where Clara isn’t sure which persona she’s talking to wouldn’t work if the Cyberplanner spoke in a monotone or a Bale-Batman rasp. So both of them are funny, and even Mr. Clever is too adorable to really worry about, and if this isn’t your cup of tea, you might be wondering if there’s any real danger left in this show at all.

But it was my cup of tea, and the second time I watched it, even though I still found certain plot elements confusing (how did Porridge end up working as a professional chess player? how did all of these characters end up on the same planet together? what triggered the Cybermen to start reconstituting themselves all of a sudden?), I enjoyed it even more. Porridge beaming up even put a lump in my throat, because I’d had more time to think about what it meant to him, what he was giving up. Being really creeped out or scared by Cybermen suddenly seemed less interesting, less necessary. My understanding is that Gaiman started out aiming for that, and ended up going for fun, and quite right too.

Clara watch:
Clara remains an exceedingly pleasant screen presence, but beyond that and her Jenna-Louise Coleman’s ability to talk as quickly as Matt Smith, it’s still very difficult to pin an actual personality on her. It’s mystifying how swiftly and seamlessly she steps into the role of platoon leader; sure, these are the Bad News Bears of soldiers, but they’re not that incompetent. Her ability to step into any role that’s required of her, and the sense that she’s playing it as a role, like a little girl dressing up in grownup clothes and acting out her favorite books, are perfectly in tune with my take on who she is, and in sync with her barmaid/governess quick-change act in “The Snowmen,” but it makes for a frustratingly opaque character. Beyond her flashes of anger when the kids are threatened and her cute giggle at Porridge’s “handy” joke, she doesn’t display a lot of emotion other than steely resolve. I’m still crossing my fingers that once her secret is revealed, she can relax and be a three-dimensional human being with some depth…assuming she is one at all.

Classic series watch:
If there were any direct references to classic Cybermen stories, they went over my head, other than the word “moonbase” early on (a probable nod to 1967′s “The Moonbase,” the second-ever Cybermen story). However, I have to credit my friend Jeff once again for pointing out the similarities between the Emperor of the Galaxy, on the run from his own people, and the Doctor himself. The scene in which he must trigger the planetary implosion device in order to save everyone, but can’t do so without summoning his people who will force him to take responsibility for fleeing, is strongly reminiscent of the equivalent scene at the end of 1969′s “The War Games.” Therein, the Doctor summons his own people to help him return kidnapped soldiers to their own times, and we meet the Time Lords for the very first time.

The resonance of this moment might not mean much to someone who started with New Who, and knows the Time Lords mostly as a cult of slavering megalomaniacs. But until 1969, the Doctor had been a mysterious prodigal, more given to puttering around the universe helping people than acknowledging his heritage, and since after summoning the Time Lords he was put on trial and forced to regenerate, the self-sacrifice of the act was just about as noble as anything he’d ever done. That’s why imagining the Emperor as a parallel figure to the Doctor, as Jeff suggested, made me choke up the second time through. That, and Davis’s acting, and Gaiman’s writing, and my being a big nerd.

One more classic series nod, almost certainly unintentional: instead of ten years or a hundred years, which I could almost have bought, Gaiman joins a long tradition of adding superfluous zeroes to timespans in Doctor Who (see “Genesis of the Daleks” for just one instance), rendering them almost totally implausible. A thousand years since the Cybermen were defeated, guys, really? And you still have weapons around to fight them that aren’t in a museum somewhere? So much for Moore’s Law!

The Crimson Horror

If the first half of the season was a surprise double-hitter from Chris Chibnall, this second half belongs to Mark Gatiss. “Cold War” wasn’t great, but it was surprisingly good, and “The Crimson Horror” is even better. It’s traditional Doctor Who on many levels, but like “Cold War” it contained at least one brilliant twist I didn’t see coming. I don’t find this one quite as special as “The Bells of St. John” or as compelling and moving as “Hide,” but for sheer entertainment value, this is the one to beat for the half-season.

The twist isn’t that the Doctor doesn’t appear (outside of a dubious image) for nearly 15 minutes of the show with his name on it; this sort of thing has certainly happened in seasons past. It’s that when he does show up, he’s a crimson version of Frankenstein’s monster, arms outstretched, moaning in agony, a victim of the titular red venom. Granted, I can be slow when it comes to these things (both The Crying Game and The Sixth Sense completely took me in), but I didn’t for a second imagine that Ada’s monster would turn out to be him. Smith walks a fine line here, I think; apart from regeneration-inducing traumas past, this is probably the most disturbing thing that’s ever happened to a Doctor, and if Smith had imbued his performance with any more agony, it would have been nightmare material all by itself. It’s a bit of a shame, because even when I was a kid of the age Mary Whitehouse worried so much about, I wanted Doctor Who to scare me. That was the point, the best part.

The old-timey scratchy sepia “film” flashback that follows this sequence is just perfect. I’ve heard it described as too “gimmicky,” but I wouldn’t have changed a thing. These two elements alone—the “preserved and rejected” Doctor, and the flashback sequence—made the episode for me. All the rest of it was just icing on the cake.

Of course, sometimes icing can make you feel a little ill. The Doctor has planted unsolicited smooches on companions past (Rory, for instance, and let’s not forget Martha Jones), but there was something especially uncomfortable about the one he gives Jenny, who’s not only married (then again, so was Rory) but for all we know may be wholly uninterested in men (then again, so was Rory). If it had stopped there it wouldn’t have seemed unforgivable, but when shortly thereafter we also get a boner joke with the sonic screwdriver (no, Radio Free Skaro, Steven was not imagining it)…iiiiiiiit’s just weird.

I had to watch this twice to fully grasp the villainous scheme, but for once it actually seemed to hang together, if you allow for the grotesque little leech baby that’s somehow both the greatest threat the Silurians ever battled and also managed to hang around dormant and undetected for 65 million years (then again, so did the Silurians). Not very subtle here is Gatiss’s recurring theme of troubled kids and unhelpful parents (“The Idiot’s Lantern” and “Night Terrors” before this), but here it’s more over-the-top than heavy-handed or cloying, and if it’s obvious at least it’s got a little nuance. There’s at least a little of her mother in Ada, when she refuses to forgive (“that’s my girl,” croaks the dying harridan) and beats the creeping leech to a pea-green pulp, though you can hardly blame her.

There were plenty of complaints about the lack of female characters in “Cold War” (far fewer about the lack of any characters in “Cold War,” but never mind), and Gatiss makes up for it here, but since one of them is a psychopath, another is an emotional cripple, and the title could by a suspicious and uncharitable mind be taken as a possible misogynistic euphemism, there will still be plenty of fodder for any critic looking for a fight. And as terrific as Jenny is here (I love the scene where she pays a guinea for a diversion), Lady Vastra is as dull as she was in “The Snowmen,” her role primarily consisting of throwing back her veil and making grown men swoon.

I’m in the camp that still finds Strax funny, though I do marvel at how many people seem to think Sontarans were always jokes (if so, that too sailed right over my head as a kid). You already know what you think about the TomTom joke, so you don’t need my opinion. For my money, though, the best line is the one where Mrs. Gillyflower crows, “You know what these are? The wrong hands!” For a moment I thought she was going to say “The right hands!” and we would have gotten her point of view in a more serious vein, but the line as we heard it is just as much fun, because it’s clear she knows exactly how batguano she is and she couldn’t be happier about it. To be honest, neither could I.

Clara watch
No surprise, but we learn that Clara doesn’t know any more than we thought she did about her other lives. Also we learn that she’s the nanny for two kids who are absolute terrors when it comes to Google Image Search.

Jenna-Louise Coleman is just as good in this story as she was in “The Bells of St. John.” If she’d been this good all season I would have been joining in the “best companion so far” chorus too, but the jury’s still out for me. This at least is a good sign for what she’ll be like next season.

Classic series watch
This story is “Invasion of the Dinosaurs” (mad scientist employs prehistoric creatures in a plot to erase humanity and start over with a hand-picked crew to create a new Golden Age) set in “The Talons of Weng-Chiang” (Victorian England around the time of Jack the Ripper). It’s not a bad pedigree, all told.

That “gobby Australian” was of course Tegan Jovanka, who wandered onto the Fourth Doctor’s TARDIS and talked the Fifth Doctor’s ear off in all but two stories. At the end of one season she actually did get back to Heathrow, but got fired and rejoined the TARDIS crew in the first story of the next. The Fifth Doctor did not look pleased about being stuck with her again, but was far too nice to tell her to push off. Considering that in the very next story she unleashed the mind-controlling psychic snake-god-demon she’d been harboring in the recesses of her mind, he probably should have grown a pair and ditched her.

My bets for the finale

It’s time to place your bets for what’s going to happen in the finale! Here are the ten elements and revelations I think “The Name of the Doctor” is going to contain. I haven’t heard any true spoilers for any of these, though in some cases I have heard rumors and speculations that I do believe will come true.

  1. The Doctor will meet River prior to the events of “Silence in the Library.” At this point he’ll give her the sonic screwdriver she’s carrying in that story.
  2. He’ll whisper his name to River, but we (the audience) won’t hear it.
  3. The Great Intelligence will play some role in the story (not a big shock, that).
  4. This will be when the Doctor meets Lorna Bucket (from “A Good Man Goes to War”), in the forests that are the Vashta Nerada’s hunting grounds.
  5. The Vashta Nerada will therefore reappear, and will be the reason for Clara saying “run, you clever boy.”
  6. Clara will die again in this story (“and remember”), but be brought back to life.
  7. Clara will be revealed to be CAL in some sense — perhaps a reincarnation or avatar of sorts, perhaps aided by River in exiting the Library and finding the Doctor.
  8. Clara will not be a construct of the TARDIS, or an aspect of River, or Romana, or the Rani, etc.
  9. If she’s a trap laid by the Great Intelligence, she’s probably a sort of Trojan horse, and will be cleansed of it by the end of the story (perhaps this is why/because she dies and is reborn). I find this theory a little obvious, but it would at least explain why the TARDIS seems to mistrust her.
  10. The episode will be so jam-packed with all this stuff that there’s no possible way it will be truly satisfying.

So there you go! Which of these are you betting on? Which are you betting against?

The fall of the Eleventh

“Fall” can refer to many things:

  • Death.
  • Defeat.
  • A literal fall, like the one the Fourth Doctor took from the Pharos Project tower that caused his regeneration, or the much longer fall that the Tenth Doctor took in “The End of Time” that didn’t (at least not right away).
  • A time of year, i.e. the season containing November.

“The Eleventh” can refer to many things:

  • The Eleventh Doctor.
  • The eleventh day of a particular month.
  • The eleventh month of the year, i.e. November.
  • The eleventh element in absolutely any list with more than ten members.

In other words, there are lots of reasons to think “Trenzalore” probably won’t be the site of a regeneration, and very few (based on that phrase alone, anyway) to think that it will be.

Read this: Philip Sandifer’s blog

If you’ve never read Philip Sandifer’s Doctor Who blog (sometimes known as the TARDIS Eruditorum), there’s never been a better time to jump on board. He’s just dropped an epic, meticulously observed entry about “Rose” to kick off a series of essays about every episode of New Who.

And while you’re there, and waiting a mere two days for the next entry, you can also check out his reviews of every episode of Classic Who, various pop culture phenomena intersecting both eras in time, and lots of the novels and audio adventures that kept Doctor Who fans warm in the two nine-year gaps (the so-called “Wilderness Years”) when the show wasn’t on TV.

I don’t always agree with his point of view or even, in some cases, his approach, but it should be obvious that this is exactly what makes his writing fascinating. It’s frequently challenging, at least in length and structure and often also in ideas, and his analysis is deep, but his insights — like the theory about the Doctor’s relationship to the “Land of Fiction” I cited in an earlier entry — are numerous and occasionally revelatory.

He only rarely writes as much as he does about “Rose,” but if you find yourself reading it with avid interest and get all the way through, it’s a cinch you’ll like the rest of the blog. Go check it out.

Journey to the Centre of the TARDIS

At the beginning of this episode, the Doctor turns off some key TARDIS defense systems so that Clara can more easily fly the ship. That would also be a good time for you to turn off your brain so you can more easily enjoy the episode.

Except I’m not even sure that would do the trick. I think I’d sum this one up as a short list of “nice, but” elements:

  • Seeing non-white characters in major guest roles is nice, but I’m not sure casting them as unscrupulous, unlawful, and frankly unintelligent working-class salvage merchants was a great idea.
  • Seeing more of the inside of the TARDIS is nice, but since the corridors are plain enough that they could be the set of any spaceship anywhere, there’s really no sense of wonder about it.
  • Seeing the Doctor finally spill the beans to Clara that he’s seen two versions of her die before (arguably three, now) is nice, but since he hits the (literal) reset button at the end of the episode, it doesn’t really matter and doesn’t tell us anything we didn’t already know.
  • Seeing the book of the history of the Time War is nice, but we don’t learn anything from it except that his name is definitely not “the Doctor”. (And who wrote the book? The Doctor himself? If so, and if it’s such a big secret, why is his name in there at all, and who left it out on a plinth for anybody to skim? The TARDIS herself?)
  • Seeing the Eye of Harmony was nice, but really, if having this piece of lore explained in probably the most reasonable terms we’ve heard in the series so far is what you were looking forward to, you are a sad individual.

It never got above “nice” for me in this episode, and beyond what I listed above, not much else even hit that mark. A lot of it was frankly dreadful (the less said about the “zombies” the better). As with Stephen Thompson’s earlier misfire “The Curse of the Black Spot,” I thought occasionally that there might be a good episode in here struggling to get out, but that Thompson had kept a firm lid on it.

Speaking of keeping a lid on it, if there’s anything like a theme in this episode, it’s to do with secrets, specifically those involving identity. Who is the android? What’s the Doctor’s name? What are the (ugh) zombies? And what is the deal with Clara? Well, of course we don’t learn the Doctor’s name in this. We’ll have to wait for the season finale to get into that, but really, there would seem to be only two things they can do: reveal his name, or not reveal it, and the one would be only slightly less disappointing than the other. But I think we get another clue about Clara. And rather than list all the awful things about this episode, I’d like to lay down my bet on who and what she is.

This is pure speculation on my part. I don’t have any spoilers or inside information guiding me here, though a rumor (now proven false) about the title of the season finale did put me on this scent. But in case just reading my theory would seem like a spoiler to you, I’ve hidden the text below.

Clara watch

Quasi-spoilers SelectShow

So that’s our Clara watch this week. A few more notes and then we’ll go:

Classic series watch
If you were excited this week because we were finally going to see the inside of the TARDIS!!!, you either haven’t seen the classic series or your memory cheats. It’s not just that we’ve seen it before; it’s that seeing more of the TARDIS typically isn’t as cool as you’d think. I mean, this is a good time to remember that the TARDIS isn’t real, and the insides of it are only going to be as interesting as the designer and writer can think and afford to make them. In theory that’s “very,” but in practice, not so much.

Let’s look at the two best examples. “Castrovalva,” the Fifth Doctor’s first adventure, saw two episodes in which a regeneration-addled Doctor and his young companions wandered around pretty much identical corridors panelled in white recessed circles (the term is “roundels”), marking their paths with lipstick and yarn, eventually finding the Zero Room, a recuperative isolation tank whose main virtue is how utterly featureless it is. I love “Castrovalva,” and for me the TARDIS-bound episodes are riveting, but let’s face it, all of that comes from the leads’ performances and none of it comes from any inherently fascinating qualities of the interior TARDIS space.

The other time we’ve really explored the TARDIS interior was “The Invasion of Time,” in which a Sontaran squad chased the Fourth Doctor around and around inside his own ship. On the one hand, we did see some interesting and incongruous rooms like the swimming pool and an art gallery; on the other, since the budget was low, most of these looked like disused institutional buildings from the 70s (because in fact that’s what they were).

This isn’t as featureless as “Castrovalva” or as cheap-looking as “The Invasion of Time,” but there’s really nothing here that inspires wonder; we go straight to fear. We’ve had a spaceship powered by an ocean in “Dinosaurs on a Spaceship,” and a couple seasons prior to that, we’ve had a ship with a forest on board (“Flesh and Stone”). Shouldn’t the TARDIS at least be more marvelous than that? Even the sheer drop in the engine room is just an illusion.